---

I was lucky.
But I was even more unlucky.
And for that, I hate myself. =(

Sleepless nights and haunting dreams

Have you ever had a train of sleepless nights, and lines of haunting dreams every damn night for a month?

I do.

And everytime I close my eyes, it's a mix of lovely hallucinations and haunting nightmares. Help me. =(

And you said you'd TRY?

I don't know what went wrong.
Either you take my word for it, or screw you.

'TRY' is an indefinite measure of either success or failure.

It could mean, "Maybe I could, maybe I couldn't."

Or also, "I think I love you, I think I hate you."

Or, "I think I got a baby, I think I don't."

Worst part is, "Let's try SACKING you from your job, and try NOT TO."

Yeah. Try. Let's try some of these. Let's try some of that. I'll try my best. If you don't try you won't succeed. Trying is helping yourself. Try hard and you will find success. Try try try try try try try try try try.

Holy shit man! Where did you get all these fuss from? You're creating a ruckus from this ol' phrase of TRY. TRYING shouldn't even be in your dictionary. Was the military made out of 'trying' for their operations? Is your test a 'trial' for your wisdom or foolishness? I don't think so.

Exams could be a way of testing everything in you to see who you are: But mathematical statistics don't always reveal the true, complex self of a human being. Since God made us this way, it could be his secret code to keep us confused deciphering codes of our body before Judgment Day comes. Then we'll all be laughed at: "Ha-ha! You didn't decipher that simple code? DUMBASS."

The Wise Young CHON SHENG told me once before: "Yes, or no. Bang, or leave."
Damn.
He was damn right.
Took me two years to get that into my head.

-Franz

Some people...

Some people move on quickly,
Some people stick in their past.
Some people cannot accept ignorance.
Some people dare not talk.
Some people are too shy about it.
Some people just take chances.
Some people give their everything.
Some people just fall down and die.
Some people see the light.
Some people wander in darkness.
Some people accepts reality.
Some people argue to prove themselves right.

But to the person who was important to me that turned her back on me.
I never said it is too late for anything.
In fact, it's never too late.

Who was there to catch me when I fall?
Who was there to soothe me when I'm anxious?
Who was there to calm my inner instincts?
Who was there to give things a try?

Unfortunately, there was none.
I survived this long because I believed in God.
I survived this far because I shit on people's face.
I survived yesterday because tomorrow's another day.

But where were you when you're needed?

-Franz

How stupid can people be?

To my dearest of all Malaysian citizens.
And to the worldwide audience.

Do you really, and ever believed what Mom and Dad always say?
Probably yes; because you're living under their roofs.
Probably not; because you have viewpoints of your own.
A little here and there; because you know what's best for yourself.
You don't give a fuck; because I'm talking cock.

We're not talking about parents here.
We're not talking about Mom and Dad's saying here.
We're not talking about the superiority of the Malaysian Sultan here.
We're not talking about religion or race here.
And also, we're not talking about who's the dumbest of them all - I leave this for you to decide.

Have you ever met a dumbass who thinks he's always right?
I bet you do. If you follow my writings for a while now, you'll realize that you've met one.

Yes, I admit, I'm a freaking dumbass. I rant about everything.
I rant about anything. And I'm a perfectly sane person.
Also, I'm a pure bitch when it comes to things that don't make any sense.

I'm a believer in freedom of speech, in which, you can tell me, "Hey puta you're a freaking idiot!" or "Franz, why don't you shut the hell up and go fuck yourself?"

Look, I wouldn't be angry, I will not be offended, and certainly won't file a lawsuit against you. I'd probably look into the logic of your comment and see if I'm right or wrong. Either way, I still won't file a lawsuit against you, especially when it's a petty reason. Right. And the petty reason we're talking about here is:

The word "Allah" cannot be used by Non-Muslims in Malaysia.
Oh shit, I just committed a crime. To the creme de la creme in Malaysia, hear me out.

I am a Christian, a Catholic Christian. As much as I love God and my mother calls me every week to check on me to see if I go to church, I'm a Christian regardless. The many times religions of all sorts in Malaysia tempt me to move over, I did not bite. Want to know the reason why? It's because:

1. My family brought me up in a good environment, and they love God.
2. Jesus is my saviour, God is my saviour, and I have this implanted in me since I was young.
3. I use LOGIC to determine whether people are blasphemous or not.
   
4. I don't get pissed off real quick because someone condemns my God or other Gods.
5. I'm eager to know and learn what the Buddha teaches me about life - Not his worships.
6. I'm eager to know and learn what Ghandi can teach me about humanity - Not his worships.
7. I'm eager to know and learn what Mother Theresa tells me about being compassionate - Not her worships.

And because I think right and think straight, I don't get into any troubles. I leave you the fuck alone with all your worships, and I learn from you about what you can teach me about life. I don't care if you talk about anyone important to me at all - Just as long as you don't touch them, if not I'll bite you.

You see, banning the word "Allah" really makes me think hard today. Are these people plain stupid, easily offended, thinks they're God, mocks MY GOD, or what? Here is a set of things that went through my head when they ban the word "Allah".

1. These people are obviously extremists.
2. These people think they know exactly which God they're worshiping.
   
3. These people think too much.
4. These people are worried that this could spark a controversy.
5. These people are really, really offended.
6. These people don't want to take this issue national.
7. These people are outright too defensive.

Come to think of it, I have now three counts of criminal offence against all Malay Muslims in Malaysia because I said the word "Allah" on my blog. Whoops, it's now four.

Look, you Jesus is not a prophet believers. I don't care if you want to say anything about my God or my people. You want to raise hell by posting this news on each newspaper headline in every country in the world? I don't give two rats' ass about this. You want to mock Jesus and tell me Christians are scums of the earth, I don't care. I just don't fucking care.

Every life is a miracle. It's not in my power to:

1. Be angry with you and ask you to go eat shit because you say that.
2. Get pissed and try to kill you for that.
3. Feel offended and want to retaliate.
4. Judge you when you die.
5. Judge your words or know how to rebuttle your words.

Let God decide for himself, whether this is a petty issue, or this is a big big issue.
Let Him know that you've done that to all Non-Muslims in Malaysia, and you're trying to suppress them in all your powers just because you believe it's offensive to you.

Oh, and yes. I did mention last time that people complain and don't offer solutions: Here are some of the solutions you may want to consider.

1. SHUT THE FUCK UP and think about how you can reunite with us Malaysians to combat the ALREADY-HERE RECESSION.
2. SHUT THE FUCK UP and think about how to improve your own morality.
3. SHUT THE FUCK UP and go exercise - It clears your brains and releases endorphines.
4. SHUT THE FUCK UP and go settle some issues which are worth settling.
5. SHUT THE FUCK UP and go ask God for forgiveness.
6. Tell the Malaysian public that this was a huge misunderstanding, that this thing will never happen again, and you respect all religions and races in Malaysia.
7. Tell the Malaysian public that YOU FUCKED UP REAL BAD and apologize sincerely.
8. Tell the Malaysian public that no one needs to panic because this is not even an issue - It's an ALLEGED WAR raised by ONE FUCKING PUTA that made many panic, psychologically.
9. Take your mats and pray for mercy this coming Friday.
10. Seek penance and get a blog - Tell people how much you love peace and not war, justice and not dumb-ass judgments.

And if you fuckers out there are such good Malay Muslims (look, I'm referring to the ones who imposed this "Allah" rule thingy), you will not judge any human at any time here throughout your lifespan - Because all of us are equal in God's eye. And he will tell you whether YOU fucked up, or I fucked up.

DAMMIT! I said it five times.
Will I be charged for a criminal offence of a non-Muslim saying/typing down the word Allah for five (5) times in my blog?

Yeah, maybe not.
Read the Terms of Use, puta.
Because if you don't, you're already violating my cyberspace.

So, don't be a dumbass..
Read the Terms of Use.

Story of a little worm

Have you ever thought to an extent where your origins are?
Do you know why people say, "We are all the same?"
I think I can give you something to think about tonight, before you sleep.
Or at least, ponder for a few seconds.

You see, all of us have parents, like it or not.
We're not like Jesus, where he descends from heaven.
We're not like aliens, where they come down from ships.
We're not like stones, where we just appear out of some chemical combustion.
We're not like the wind, where physics happen.

We're formed in a two-bedroom apartment.
And this apartment ranges from black to white, hairy to bald.
Out of the MILLIONS, and BILLIONS, possibly TRILLIONS.
We emerged champion in the race.
In the race to survive, to fight till the end, to sustain the worst, break all barriers;
Just to reach one fucking egg.

And sometimes, competition was so tough that, Siamese twins were born.
Sometimes, competition was so stiff that there are twins, triplets and quadruplets.
Sometimes, things get rough - And your fellow little friends cut you open, leaving you deformed.
Sometimes, there was NO COMPETITION at all that everyone dies.
But think about the times when,
Your mother enjoyed the moment, your father felt absolutely magical.

They turn off the lights, go about their business.
Your mother fought the pain and your father shouted with joy (in his boss's office).
And that you are one individual, moving out of the two bedroom apartment,
Who became the RAMBO of your beings.
And emerged champion - Here you are in this world.

Now, let's see....
Isn't life a miracle?
How is it not beautiful anymore?

Think about the 'clans' that did not make their way.
Don't you think that's saddening?
If that's not, then you should seek psychiatric help.

-Franz

Kudaku GAGAH berani

As I've predicted, assassinations happen when there isn't a way out of problems sometimes.
Or, they don't want to take the long shot.
Probably it's not worth it.

That's what you see in a growing country. There'll be a phase for it.

Be prepared, Malaysia.

-Franz

It gets so hollow

Come to think about it.
I think I may be the problem.
Don't really know what's happening, but seems like I'm being pushy.
I guess it's because I try to outlive my dreams.
And force them into moving closer and closer to me each day.

Or set a timeline in which I know will definitely be impossible.
Or shed myself in darkness which relates much to paranoia than getting real.

That's why, I need that something.
That something that I cannot live without.
And you damn well know what.

-Franz